Day 42: The Day I Detest

My mood hasn't changed from the last post. I have only been back from Atlanta a few days and now I have to deal with the hardest day of the year. Four days before my birthday I always have a shitty time. It used to be one of the happiest days of the year. The one connection I had with my dad was that his birthday was 4 days before mine. Now I detest that day. It brings back great memories but with the expiration date of his 49th birthday. The thought that I never got to throw him a 50th birthday party. The fact that I am here celebrating another year and he can't watch me grow. It hurts and I hate it. So if you thought I was going to come off of my Atlanta trip stoked to move forward sorry to disappoint. Right now I am just looking forward to the cruise coming up next week. I want the relaxation and maybe the recharge I need to get back on the wagon.

Day 27-37: When it rains it pours

You noticed the huge gap in days? I know me too. So after writing that blog post on the 7th I got up and went to work on the 8th. Empowering my thoughts. I was busy working away expecting a 12 hour work day. I got a call from a cousin in NY. Any other day I would have answered the phone happy to hear her voice. Waiting for the children to wail on the other end asking for their mothers attention. But she called me on a Saturday at 3pm. Shabbat was not over in NY and she observes it. There's something wrong if shes calling at this time of day. For a moment you ponder not answering. Not wanting to hear the news. Not wanting the tears to flow but you do because its family and you have to be there for them. A million scenarios run through my head of what could be wrong but in my heart I know what it is. I don't want to hear it but she confirms it. My uncle that had been ill for a very long time had passed.

So I spent the next few days fighting tooth and nail to get myself to Atlanta. I knew I needed to be there and I was going to be there. I now had a deadline for my work that was almost a week less than expected and I was riding out the biggest hurricane of the season. I had to change my flight 5 times and then take an insane flight to Miami then to Atlanta. When I got there I felt like I was in the right place. I needed to be there. I was there for a week and then came back for work again. So as you can see I has been a little intense but I'm slowly going to try to get back on track.


I might be writing all of this at a later time but I will try and fill in all of the gaps.