Day 26: Grrrr

Fml. Work is taking over and I can't help it. The problem is that when I'm so far into work I don't have the energy to figure out food. So I need to figure out working out. Lots of working out. I'm stuck in a rut and this is the weight I always stay at and plateau at. I start seeing 20's and think I'm better than being the 30's. Truth is when I was younger I used to dread weighing more than 200. Why is that not a scare now? All I want is my family member to see me in 40 days and see a difference from last year. Actually I want to look at myself and see a difference. But I give up. I can't this time. Ive been doing so well. I need to pick up my workout game. I need a bigger deficit in calories. I'm gonna get it done. Sunday I will reread my whole blog. Empower my thoughts and actions again. 

Day 25: Game changed ever so slightly

Probably not for the better though. I had a tough food day today. Biscotti for breakfast. Trisqits cheese avocados and turkey for lunch. I had portioned my cheese but then when I wanted more I got some cream cheese. How I thought I could control myself in front of a bucket of cheese was beyond me. Then I met a friend for dinner. The dinner was ok but then I endulged <- that's me tryin not to feel guilty. Half a bottle of wine, half of a gigantic candy bar and almost a half a pack of cigarettes. I'm going to pay for it tomorrow. 

BUT, the big but but not as big as my butt is going to be, I had a great night. I met with my amazing friend Sana. She always puts life into perspective for me. She makes me realize I can do so much more for myself. I hope that one day I stop worry about others and do more for me. I'm going to work harder for this diet.  I'm going to push myself harder than before. This is about me. I want to look in the mirror and finally see the person I feel is trapped inside on the outside. 

Day 24: A little off my game

I'm not liking where I'm going with all of this. I feel like I've lost time in what I could have done. I've also been very drained. Working like crazy and it's hard to keep up with the diet. The exercise is a demon all it's own. I've been saying being on my feet all day painting and working is my workout but I know it can't compensate. I have to pick up my game. Today I kept up with the calories but dinner was a pain in the ass. I wanted to have a healthy dinner but I went to the wrong place. You're gonna think I'm crazy but I went to whole foods and it was a DISASTER. Do you know they don't have calories on anything. Like at all. You have to guess what you're eating. It's such a pain. I wandered around like an idiot and couldn't find anything good. I just got some couscous and tofu. I also got a sparkling water and a biscotti for dessert. I had only a bit of it and left the rest for breakfast. I need a game changer. And soon. 

Day 18-23: It got a little crazy

So the job that I picked up I thought was going to be temporary but ended up being more than full time! A quick run down of my days. 

Thursday I was crazy busy. I didn't get to go to the gym because I had dinner with my brother. We did in and out. I kept the calories in range with a protein style cheese burger. 

Friday was another busy day with work. I didn't count my calories like I wanted. Also dinner would have been a little hard to count because it was Persian food lol. But I avoided carbs and just had salad with chicken. I think I went to the gym that night. I really can't remember. 

Saturday was a laaaazy day. I watched TV all day. Went to Macy's and the to dinner with some friends. I counted my calories and was under since I didn't go to the gym. 

Super Bowl Sunday. I didn't count my calories for obvious reasons but I think I did well. I limited myself as much as I could. 

Monday I did pretty well. I had my kale salad but with another dressing and grilled tofu from whole foods. It was yummy like always. I went to the gym to burn a few more calories. 

Yesterday was another day of struggle with the food. I was so out of it and over worked that I went to chipotle for lunch and I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. I had a chicken salad at a bar for dinner. I really wanted a beer after an 11 hour day. 

There's what you missed! 

Oh wait I failed to mention I weighed in on Sunday at 229 :) It kept my hopes up and I'm going to push even harder to get to my goal. 

Day 17: Mmmmmmmexican

Just a normal day at the office. But calorie wise it was not my friend. I made a great omelette in the morning. Very yummy and filling. Then I had left overs for lunch. It was something I did not want to eat. My grandpa had thrown together this mish mosh of chicken and gross veggies. Before I could eat it we decided to get food from the corner bakery. First of all I found out I was downing 500 calories in lemonade every time I ate there!!!! Then I found out the Chinese salad there was only 500 something calories for the full size. VERY filling. I enjoyed that. 

The hard part came at dinner. I went out with some friends to get Mexican food. I tried researching calories all day. Tacos al carbon came up the lowest in calories. I enjoyed them and limited my chips to a few instead of gorging myself like I always do. Ohhh my coworker also gave me a great idea of drinking soda water and lemon. So refreshing and you don't miss the calories! Obsessed now of course. To be honest I didn't log my day of food because I was just too scared. 

Day 16: Feel the burn

I won't lie I'm writing this on Friday, as well as the rest of the weeks. It's been insane. So Tuesday. It was the start of insanity. I was supposed to be in the office but instead I ended up with the bosses kids at home. You would think driving around and hanging out is ideal. Nope not when you are dieting and they are two young men that eat every five seconds. Not to mention the food in that house is abundant. I kept to my diet. I even went home and made an EPIC kale salad. Like I'm full now and my mouth is watering thinking about it. Very low calorie also. With all of tht I was below at about 159 calories and my ass still hauled all the way over to the gym. I needed the sleep but I knew I wasn't going to make it to the gym soon so I took advantage. Nothing crazy but I did run the longest I've ever run. That made my lungs burn the most they've burned in many many years. Actually felt good! 

Day 15: Mondays suck

Especially after you wasted your whole weekend in bed. I'm also losing steam. I had this fantasy that I was going to lose weight so much faster. Maybe it's the daily weigh in. I told myself to cut back and I didn't. I need to read everything I've written every Sunday. Remind myself of what I'm here for. 

Any way it was an ok day. Food wasn't a challenge except for the end of the day. Which is always a challenge. I ate close to nothing around 7 then had an ice tea while out with some friends. We went to a bar later and I really wanted a beer and thought of the empty calories. The amount of aspartame if I guzzled a few diet cokes wasn't appealing. I really wanted something to eat and nothing seemed calorie worthy compared to my hunger. It's all training. To realize I'm not as hungry as I think. Even at the memorial I stopped eating because my stomach screamed IM FULL. I would have kept eating way after that. So there's some progress. I just want a lot more progress before March. There's a lot going on and I want to be excited for all of it. 

Oh ya and my friend Devon is a sexy beast and I'm lucky to have him in my life. He sends me texts fairly frequently to remind me that I need to go to the gym.  (There's your glorious mention in my blog)