Day 8: Sitting in the drive thru

I had a moment. I have them sometimes. I think of my father that passed away about six years ago and I have a moment. It's ugly. The tears the anger the regret but it's not like I lost him in a pretty way. He was gone in a moment and I was only 21. I feel like every moment after his death was a waste of my life. I stopped living as soon as he was gone. 

Why am I telling you this? Two reasons. First I'm hoping that going through this transformation will be enough to start living again. So much has gone wrong that I really need one thing to go right. Something for me for once. Second reason is to say that writing this really is helping with the control. Last night I was talking about all the aspartame scares going around. Tonight after my moment I was about to get the biggest diet coke and drink away. It's my vice especially when I don't smoke. Then I remembered what I wrote. If I can't be honest with myself then I'll never move forward. So I stuffed my face with two churros. Ya not healthy but I avoided the chemicals and I know I'll just have to workout super hard tomorrow. 

My day today was nothing special. I had a moderate breakfast/lunch. Dinner was a bit too heavy but I endulged. Maybe my moment was due to carb overload ;) So needless to say today was a half step back in my eyes but it's ok. I'll go two steps forward tomorrow. Oh ya I weighed myself this morning and I was at 235.6. Not horrible after the weekend I had. Hoping to see 232 by Sunday.